Dateable

May 13, 2024
Essayist Slice and minister Cupp (coauthors of the picture book This Is How We Play) team up for a noteworthy relationship guide for disabled people. Drawing on personal experience (Slice’s dysautonomia began at 28, and Cupp was born with cerebral palsy) and enlightening interviews with people across the ability spectrum, the authors tackle such challenges as disclosing one’s disability on dating apps, discussing caregiver duties with partners, and having sex in spite of physical limitations. The guidance takes a flexible rather than prescriptive approach—for instance, the chapter on sex advises readers to “expand what sex means” beyond penetrative intercourse and experiment with new strategies, positions, and devices. Other sections explore the intersection between disability and queerness and the higher incidence of sexual assault against disabled people. Throughout, the authors are candid about the difficulties of dating in a society that prizes “spontaneity... and effortlessness” yet is riddled with access limitations for those with disabilities. With plenty of useful tips, stories, and encouragement for readers to fashion their own approaches, this is a valuable resource.

Starred review from July 12, 2024

Coauthors Slice and Cupp have explored a range of inclusivity-focused topics in their previous books for children. This title for adults aims to share the challenges and joys of navigating online dating as a chronically ill or disabled person. In the book's introduction, each author shares their own experiences and then frames them with nuanced analyses of what it means to navigate dating in "a society that stigmatizes disabled bodies and minds." They provide statistics, call out some of the language people use that is well-intentioned yet marginalizing or restigmatizing, and provide insights from interviews with chronically ill and disabled people, all undergirded by the authors' awareness of the complex nuances of intersectionality and their particular privilege as white cis women. VERDICT With its mix of astute cultural analyses, quippy personal anecdotes, and deeper dives into sociopolitical and theoretical factors, this book does more than show disabled and chronically ill people that they belong. It also serves as a reminder that it matters how one shows up on dating apps and in relationships, in order to counteract the systems that try to render invisible the people whose bodies don't conform to social norms.

Copyright 2024 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.